I have all these things

Things that I don't deserve

but am blessed with nonetheless

I have a heart to call my own

I have a mother and father

I have two brothers

I have faith

I have employment

I have friends

I have peace when I sleep

I have eyes that see the most beautiful things

I have ears that hear astonishing music

I have sunshine

I have two legs to take me

I have two arms that embrace

I have feelings

I have a full stomach

I have a warm, comfortable bed

I have a roof over my head

I have convenience in travel

I have words to speak

I have memories

I have instincts

I have a purpose

I have questions

I have answers

I have a voice to sing

I have health

I have ability

I have potential

None of which I obtained on my own

To a Father above, who

gives all

knows all

sees all.

I forever give thanks

for all that I am.

This stillness is sweet.
It almost feels like a sickness.
It leaves a bitter taste
yet leaves you in desperation for more.
Did you know you were the cause
of the cave in?
The cave in that buried my heart
but at the same time created that light
that now shines down upon it,
Like a moment of revelation,
shining into the darkest corners.
Corners that I am no longer afraid of.
If only I would have listened
to the quiet voice
that softly whispers,
Its ok to love
It's ok not to want to let go
It's ok to create a freedom
It's ok
I have tried for so long,
I have wandered...
confused
   helpless
      hurting
But I no longer wander.
Gone are my days of lonely desert,
dry and barren.
My thirst is now quenched.
My eyes soft with tears.
Tears of relief and gratitude
for the refreshment that now touches my lips.
Its the taste of what I've known before
and what I have been missing
finally flooding it's way
back through
all of me. 

Bad Poetry
   by Ben Lee

Lovin' you makes me wanna spill my heart and soul.
Lovin' you makes me wanna tell you things you've never been told.
Lovin' you makes me wanna write bad poetry.


Loving you makes me wanna waste my time,
So tell me, what's it gonna take to change your mind?
(Lovin' you) How much bad poetry?
And I love you so much, please don't show anyone this stuff
It's between you and me, this bad poetry.


Lovin' you, maybe baby.
Lovin' you, by the phone alone.
Lovin' you, please I'm on my knees,
And that's bad poetry.


Lovin' you, like a rose in june.
Lovin' you, fly me to the moon.
Lovin' you, makes me wanna write bad poetry.

And I love you so much, please don't show anyone this stuff
It's between you and me, this bad poetry.


And I love you so much, please don't show anyone this stuff.
While search for a rhyme, 'cause I'm running out of time.
It's between you and me, this bad poetry.
This bad poetry.

terrorizing my thoughts, feelings and emotions are

[mini monsters]

they disguise themselves as my problems,

worries, stresses and cares

one day they're my mother...
  my brother
  my colleague
  my friend


the next they're my heart...
  how it is feeling
  who I am thinking of
  who is in possession of it


one day they are questions...
  what am I doing with my life?
  what do I really know?
  am I doing the right things?


other days they are discouragement...
  loneliness
  stress
  grief


some rare evenings I am free of them
they seem to scatter like mites in lantern light
rare evenings where I can
  dance
  or laugh
  or sing


my mini monsters are like
the sole of a sneaker
built tough
to withstand any attempt at
   wearing
       them
          down


sometimes they're confusion
  delay
  distraction
  or despair


sometimes they are light...
 i won't notice they are there
sometimes they are heavy...
 almost more than I can bare


They catch me off guard
 they puzzle my puzzler
they twinge and they squirm
 when i try to ignore
they splutter and spout
 when I think about stuffing them out


they fight and they whine
 when i decide to admit
 something is making me happy


they bite and they snarl
 at a fleeting thought of love
  truth
  compassion
  clarity


they crawl all around
 they slither and hiss
they mock and they pester
 never seeming to quit


Sometimes they fight each other
 and those moments when they do
they're distracted just long enough
 for me to be happy here with you

Dance into the night
     dance into the stars
         dance into your dreams that sweep you into peace
Eyelids close
  thoughts collide
     content to be this way
Clouds drift away
    moon shines down
       music drifts through breeze filled skies,
Plays as if the night will stay on repeat forever
    never fully understanding what it means
        to be here with you
But being here nonetheless,
  content right where we are
let it be
   let time pass
       so long as we never ask for it back
never regretting the time we spent
   dancing into the night
      dancing into the stars
          dancing into our dreams...

Something strange
Did you know this would happen?
Somehow I think you did.
In a whisper...in a look...in a smile...
Caught up in what you are is where I suddenly find myself.
Standing in a crowd, loud and unsatisfying,
if I could only make myself reach for you,
would you take my hand and run?
Away from the crowd,
Away from the chaos
I don't know where we'd run
But does it really matter?
I may have to come back, but for now
can't we just run
just to see where we might find ourselves standing
Could be near,
could be far,
just so long as it could just be you and me...
at least for now.

Tonight was all about being conscious to the goings on in my brain; not letting them escape.
I drove and thought,
  then sat and thought,
    then wrote,
       then planned,
     then read
  then prayed
then thought.
 Interestingly enough
what I thought I was thinking, I'd already thought about,
so what I thought was this,
that I shouldn't think about what thoughts I'm thinking before I have a thought.
Perhaps that will un-fuzz some of me.

p.s. If something that you usually use to find things is lost, how do you find what you lost while looking?

~*~

I forget that I'm suppose to ask

my Father who's above,

What are the things I should be doing?

Who is it I should love?

So in my prayer I say this day,

I won't let logic rule

For faith is what I'm missing;

It's the crucial key and tool.

He told me I should listen.

He told me He would, too.

He whispers He is near me

When I don't know what to do

I find this harder than I thought

To simply trust that if I do,

Let Him be in charge and take control,

All works out how it's suppose to.

I should know

by now that He

Sees all of what

My life will be

How could I know

with my lack of understanding

That a world so vast

Could bring lessons so branding?

I long for experience

In work and deed

that will bring me the sight

That I will need

I believe my desire is righteous

To have someone to love

To start a life with another

And take into eternity above

So I have to have faith.

Faith that improving me

Will lead to claiming

All the things I want and see.

We'll find each other

and when we do

You'll have prayed for me

just as much as I've prayed for you.

~*~

i found a piece of it today;
my heart.
it came with a laugh that you put in the corners of my mouth.
with a smile that your random thoughts painted on my face.
i talked.
  you talked.
    we talked.
it felt like it used to,
in that space between reality and dreaming...
that's where we exist.
we created it.
we own it,
that space that no one else will ever touch.
no mind so brilliant can understand
what we have.
no creation could be quite so brilliant
as what we've put together.
no trial so dismal
could destroy,
nor tears rain too hard
to wash away
  what is real
    what is ours.


I think I'll just stay...

Even in sickness
I seek this day to create
somewhere
somehow
a small moment of bliss


Happiness
   is a choice
Bliss
   can be created
Hearts
   can be bandaged
Friends
   can comfort
Brothers
   can inspire
Dreams
   can become
Sisters
   don't have to be blood
Clouds
   can be shelter
Raindrops
   can be kisses
Laughter
   can heal
Smiles
   can prolong life
Singing
   can be relief
Prayer
  can help you discover it all

Most people choose the

[ latitude ]

of where they belong

[Clarity]

It's what you don't see as you're looking in the mirror these days.


You're lost and afraid
and you don't know what you want.
You know what you should DO,
but not what you want.


Please excuse my boldness
but I simply must express
that talking in past tense to me
about the life we've shared
only sours this lemon more.
I hate to bother you
as you're checking off the items on the lists you have made
but could you double check one item
because I think today is the day that you remember
you once weren't so lost.
You used to know where you were
...what you were
when you were in my arms.


I've tried reaching into every crevice
every hiding place
or dark corner
in my brain
to find the thoughts
that will help me not to feel hurt.
there is no such place.
no thought planted

giving root to create comfort
I sometimes
purposely sink
deep into thoughts untouched
to try and discover that space
where true love ends and true friendship begins
I'm not sure it exists.
.

To me, my surroundings feel of emptiness;
for, my future is so carefully
branded by you
that the sun light can not
burn off the haze
when you aren't standing in it.
Someday you may realize,

you are not lost
you are here.

I've already found you.
I didn't have to do the searching you now do,
because I never thought you lost.
I've already found you.
If your quest is to claim yourself,
your dignity
your love
your strength
your laughter
your secrets
your heart...
you will find them here.
If you find me,
you will find them.
If you choose to take them,
I will not stop you
If you choose to take them,
it may help you find that

[clarity]


But if you choose to take them
you may also lose me.

There comes a point when you have to

[ see yourself  ] 

Look in the mirror and recognize that you are you.

That you have needs

that really do deserve to met.

Look into your own eyes and try

try to discover what it is that

needs

longs

and wants.

It's okay to put your foot down;

to simply say "no".

There are things so damaging...

sometimes they are matters of the heart

sometimes they are matters of your dreams

sometimes they are matters of your health

(girls, stop starving yourselves!!!)

How long has it been?

Do you recognize that person anymore

as they stare back at you and

mimic even the

rise and fall

of your chest as you breathe?

How long has it been?

Is there light or emptiness in those eyes

that churn up longing

for stability and security?

How long has it been?

I want to know who I see.

I want to see someone

strong

confident

secure

sincere

true

loved

happy

She is there.

I'm uncovering her now.

I feel my foot coming down.

Time for me to say a few simple "no's".

I will be

strong

confident

secure

sincere

true

loved

and

happy

What I do now is for matters of my health

matters of my dreams

matters of my heart

I hope that you will understand....

it isn't goodbye.

To be someone you want...

To be someone you'll need...

To be someone you'll see...

I must be

someone I want

someone I need

someone I see.

I will be me.

[ Happy ]